we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
