I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
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