if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ttyl tear gas
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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