I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
