Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize