I am in a vortex of obligation.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
