So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
