i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
