I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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