I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
