Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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