So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
