Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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