don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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