Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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