So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
