Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
