you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
