Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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