that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could fuck to npr.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
