I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
