There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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