it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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