My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
