some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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