I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
