I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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