You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
