Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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