i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
