I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
