so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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