I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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