You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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