5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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