She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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