Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize