dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
