people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
