I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
