You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
