I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
