well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
