i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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