dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
