just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
