I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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