Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
did you just send me my own nude
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
