You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
