so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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