Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
