how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
