If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
