Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
