I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
