So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
