i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
