Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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