oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
