I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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