What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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