that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
