I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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