Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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