Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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