Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
