Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
