Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize